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Suffocatting

Fri, Sep 23, 2011 at 9:09 AM By: Anne-MarieCooke

Caught in the middle, don't know what's up or down.
Stuck at a fork in the road, not sure which way to go
Wish I could go straight through,
Maybe then everything will be right, to how it use to be

Standing in front of a crossroad, neither here nor there
I need an equilibrium to make me feel okay again.
Why can't I just drift to sleep, let everything melt away
Make it all be normal, where I felt safe

My world's turned upside down, nothing's the same
My life is worse than its ever been before
Can't eat, can't sleep, can't write, can't breathe
Feeling the world on my shoulders
Its becoming way too much to bare
I'm feeling smothered, fighting for air
Suffocating

Simple, that's the way my life used to be
Before all the wear and tear
Losing loved ones, some hanging by a fraying thread
A fraying thread that's barely there
Can't find the words to make them see me, completely
Slowly I'm fading, drowning in the black waters
The black waters of hate and sadness
Desperate to breathe but yet no light is breaking through
Breaking through this thick barrier of my blackened soul

I see the world though brand new eyes
Fighting for my sanity each day,
Its becoming exhausting, no one can see
They are too blind
But maybe that's the way it needs to be
Maybe that's the way I want it to be

My soul has been shattered,
Saying goodbye one too many times
My heart ripped apart
In more ways than one
So many thoughts running through my head
I can't seem to catch a single one

I'm falling apart by the seams,
Can't I get a moment to breathe?
It just might be the one to save my life
Yet its all too much to ask for
More than one can handle
Feeling lost without them
I can't seem to find my way back home

Can't find the right words to say,
I'm not okay
Everything is slipping away around me
All that I hold near and dear to me
Can't you hear my scream?
Frustration is slowly overtaking me
As well as my sanity

How long can one go on feeling
So tired and so helpless?
I need to make them see the real me again
But I must be in touch with reality
But this reality is what I hate so harshly
For its what has weakened me
Can no one understand?

I love and give with all my heart
Asking for nothing in return
And yet everything just passes by
Without a look back behind
Can't let go of the past that has shattered me
I miss them so badly
Wishing they were here with me
I don't deserve anything that I want so badly.

I wish I could be prefect,
that there was no crack in the glass
Tripping over my own feet
Without a soft place to land
Everything slips so quickly through
My slippery hands
I just can't seem to get a grip on reality
Hurting the ones I love so
The ones who have given so to me

Yet it never fails as I watch myself take them for granted
I feel like I am going crazy
Everything swirling inside of my head
All the regrets that eat away, inside of me
Maybe one more shot will make it all clear again

Maybe one day soon I will see the light
But please don't rush me
For I will stumble and fall
I don't want to have to start again
I have all I want in front of me
He holds my heart in his hands
Don't squeeze so hard
As you try to stop the bleeding
It's life leaking out slowly

These wounds are too fresh to mend
Can't you understand?
I am trying but failing miserably
All my thoughts come out wrong
And yet they are coming out right all at once
Can't you see?
You are everything to me
All I want and ever will need
Is standing right in front of me

I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you
It makes me hate myself even more than before
I wish you could just forgive and forget
All my stupidity, so we can move on
Let's make this right again
Please

I am thankful for all that
You have given me
All that you have done for me
I know I don't show it but I am showing you now.
Please forgive me

Save me from suffocatting

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