thoughts in my head
I lay here thinking, wondering how I survived these last three years. I wonder,
how you can be such a complete asshole and still I am able to love you till the end.
How you can walk all over me, I have climbed your golden pedestal far too many times and upon reaching the top, kicked right back down. I cried too many tears only to be left in the cold. You see me and you see someone lesser than you, tho she has tried so many times to make you see, see the change I have made in me. Yet it is no good and I fear that you only wanted to create an heir to uphold your legacy. And for that I must endure you for years to come and I foresee a broken soul left on the wayside. Her world turned upside down once again because a man whom she loves dearly goes away suddenly.
But she is not your blood so what significance does she hold to you? The only man she has ever known, the only man she has ever called her home. For the eyes of a child see no wrong, their innocence allowing none to tarnish it. And yet you leave a woman in the dust to pick up those pieces of that broken little girl when she herself is breaking, tearing from the seems, trying dearly for the cracks not to show. Her face stained with her blood, sweat and tears, exhausted from trying to please you. When her only goal was to love you, to make you happy, to make you see. And still you are too blind to see anything past your ignorance.
You say you care but if you did would you so threaten the same week as I lose a loved one so dear to my heart? Would you then dangle a dream in front of me and then rip it apart? Yet you walk away so nonchalantly for it does not matter who you bring down with you or the hearts you have taken and scarred along the way. On your path of destruction as long as you get where you need to be. My heart is slowly growing cold to the the world around me yet I have no right to feel what I feel despite what I have endured and overcome, what I go through. You are selfish and heartless and because of that any who have a heart is unfit.
I want to scream I FUCKING HATE YOU, that I wish you die but the words refuse to move pass my lips. You say I want a fairytale, prince charming? Then tell me now why I have stood here for three years in silence. Why I have been faithful and truthful only to be punished in the end. What I seek does not matter and so I look to the future, somewhere there is a light being lit for me. It is still dark in front of me, maybe I will never escape it, for darkness reaches farther than the eye can see. So maybe I should just embrace it, give it all up and just have a good time. Make up for three wasted years. Except for the one miracle you gave me whom is the spitting image of his creator. You laugh at my pain in the inside and I feel it all in my soul.
So in front me there is smokes, some beer and some whiskey, cheers to the night and cheers to waving the FUCK GOODBYE to those worthless memories. Take care of the words you speak, take care not to forget me because the day your world crashes down around you, DON'T YOU DARE come crawling back to me for I shall spit in your face as you've done mine. I pray you have a happy life but still get fucked in the end because you are dead to me! Happy journeys : )