Forgiveness is definitely NOT this sudden epiphany you'll have about someone, or a weird sense of serenity that will wash over you so you can move on from a conflict: it, and patience, are ACTIONS, my friends. There are soooo many fools out there, soooo many foolish things that we all do...but you can't let it consume you. And there's a difference between pride and confidence. Realize that compliments come with confidence, and pride is cockiness in a weaker form, because it makes you think that you don't need anybody else, that you have it all under control. Not saying you can't be independent, (haha, trust me on this one, please), but people are just naturally wired for camaraderie. Yet, oddly enough, we most definitely need isolation to be able to soak up and reflect on what that day-to-day thought/emotion train comes chugging along with, which is why we may live in a community, but we all have different family units and homes.
And I'm realizing that you just need to be verbally honest. When people say you're weird for certain things, maybe they're really just taking your action or thought or whatever into consideration and how uncomfortable it is for THEM to be 'weird'. When you be you, you empower others to be themselves. Let me tell you another thing: suicide is NEVER the answer. Trust me. It's an evil that makes you believe that you are worthless, that you have nothing left or that you never even had anything or anyone, that you could make no difference in anyone's life because you feel like you've failed in so many ways. The truth is, as soon as you start that verbal admittance, and you are honest with yourself that the people you confide in are NOT toxic in the end...and you present your broken heart and body in response to an encouraged, but never forced, call from somewhere you accept exists...you are on your way. You'll never know what you were meant to live for until you've died organically. Self murder is a terrible, terrible catalyst for a chain reaction that just hides the shattered vase....it solves nothing. You need to learn how to surrender in the right ways, to the right people, and to the right 'things'. Believe that criminal behaviour and brokenness is just a part of your salvation: you ALL have the power to save yourself: all you need to do is go cry to someone who was meant to save you. You'll know who they are: just don't deny yourself them in whatever form they come.